Why are some women uncomfortable about receiving oral sex? | Sex Therapy Newcastle | North East Sex Therapy
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-19790,single-format-standard,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,no_animation_on_touch,select-theme-ver-2.8,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-4.12.1,vc_responsive

Why are some women uncomfortable about receiving oral sex?

Why are some women uncomfortable about receiving oral sex?


I recently asked some women whether they preferred oral sex to penetration. The reason for this question was a result of a conversation with a guy who said he was convinced that if you asked a bunch of women, they would say they preferred receiving oral than penetration. So far, the results of my query of indicated 50/50 either way, but it got me thinking about both men and women’s view of cunnilingus.


I read an article in Cosmo the other week, giving tips on relaxing, and therefore enjoying receiving oral sex. The article was obviously trying to make women feel better about getting pleasure and enjoying it, but it almost reinforced some of the hang-ups women already have. “If you don’t feel comfortable, then don’t do it” which of course is always the right advice to give anyone who isn’t comfortable about a sexual act. But what we do not seem to be addressing is why women should feel so bad about receiving oral sex in the first place (obviously, there are lots of women out there who have no problem with getting what they want, but there are other who still struggle with this particular act of sexual intimacy). It is my understanding that young girls are not educated to love and appreciate their vulva. They are not encouraged to touch it and look at it and from an early age we are told that to do so is bad. So we enter into womanhood with this idea that it’s all a bit yucky “down there”. Using phrases like “down there” reminds me of Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter books, who is so evil that even speaking his name will bring untold terror to anyone who dares! So just to prove that nothing will happen, VULVA!, CLITORIS!, VAGINA! There you go…..not one death eater in sight.


The attitude towards the vulva is a worrying combination of myth and media. Myths such as “I can’t let him go down on me because I smell” or “it’s selfish for me to have oral sex” or “I he won’t like the look of it” are very prevalent today and they are all messages we have been given to women by sources such as our parents, school, religious affiliations and media. If you take a look at porn today, all of the female porn stars have tiny labia, some of which I’m sure will be natural, some maybe thanks to labiaplasty, the surgery which women have to trim away “excess” labia. There is no such thing as excess labia by the way, just the labia you were naturally supposed to have. This new phenomenon tells both men and women that the only attractive vulva is the one that is all neatly tucked away. Both men and women are currently being conditioned to think a certain way that the true beauty of the vulva is disgusting and needs to be repaired. It’s as ridiculous as being told that you can only be attractive if you have blue eyes so if you have brown eyes, you have no chance, but don’t worry, we have a nice surgeon who can change that for you.


Porn is also (partly) responsible for the opinion that receiving pleasure as a women is selfish. Think about how many times you see a women actually receiving oral sex in porn, unless you look for that specifically. An absurd bill has recently been passed which now bans all UK made porn to feature a female squatting over someone’s face or female ejaculation, which means that UK porn no cannot depict female pleasure.


In a recent short survey I took, I asked men and women whether they enjoyed giving and receiving oral sex. All the male respondents said they enjoyed receiving AND giving, apart from one, who said he only liked giving! Which means it’s likely that your partner is going to love going down and giving you amazing pleasure.


So to end, I want you to think about the nature of a flower for a few minutes; think about how beautiful they look, all different colours and petal sizes, glorious smells, all of which are used as a way of attracting things to them. Would we ever consider that a flower didn’t look or smell right? I would say that Mother Nature got it spot on.