Sex and Porn addiction are probably not what you think they are. They are not about having a high sex drive, neither are they a moral failing. They are very often not about being stuck in an unhappy relationship. They are simply about being unhappy as they are both ways of managing feelings and emotions that we find difficult.
If you are reading this because you think you may be a sex or porn addict, but don’t identify with having uncomfortable feelings and emotions that you want to avoid, you are either not an addict or you act out sexually to such an extent that you simply don’t feel them anymore.
A definition of sex addiction is the continuing of acting out sexually, despite experiencing negative consequences. These consequences could be being late for work or taking sick days because you want to stay at home to watch porn. Or it could be the threat of your relationship breaking down or being caught doing something illegal.
If any of these things have happened to you, even though you have promised to stop, you very likely have a problem.
Typical signs of sex and porn addiction are, but not limited to:
- Masturbating several times a day, sometimes even when sore
- Compulsive watching of porn, often for several hours or at inappropriate times
- An escalation in the explicit nature of porn because you need a new high
- Feelings of loss if you can’t get access to a laptop, tablet, phone
- Sexually explicit chat on online forums that you want to hide from your partner
- Sexually explicit chat on online forums for several hours that distract you from other things that need done
- Cruising for sex and placing yourself in high risk situations
- Meeting people for anonymous sex and placing yourself in high risk situations
- Paying for sex that you can’t afford
- The amount of sex you are paying for has increased
All addictions stem from having experienced difficult situations that we haven’t had the tools to deal with emotionally, either because we have been too young or no one taught us how.
Sex addicts usually try to deal with things themselves, as they have not known what it is like to rely on others for help. This can often make addicts appear selfish and self-centred. The first step to recovery is reaching out for help to someone who understands and is willing to really see you and help you through this, without judgement and blame.
The cost of therapy is £50 per session.