Being a partner of a sex addict can be very distressing. Often partners have no idea that their loved ones have been seeking sex elsewhere until they accidentally find out. Or, they may have had a suspicion but ignored their intuition, only to find out it was true. For many the shock of finding out that their partner has been chatting to others on line, having anonymous sex or visiting sex workers for example has been likened to serious trauma, such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is common to feel very isolated as the relationship you thought you had disappears. It can be difficult to talk to family members and friends as they are likely to tell the partner to leave. However, they do not understand that many partners want their loved ones to seek help and are willing to stay in the relationship if this happens.
Most people enter into a state of shock but then they are likely to start doubting themselves and attempting to take responsibility for why this has happened. Common questions partners ask themselves are things like:
- How could I have not seen this earlier?
- Why did I not confront him/her about this sooner when I was wondering why he/she was always late from work?
- What did I do to drive him/her away?
- Maybe I wasn’t sexy enough?
- What does he/she have that I don’t?
- How could he/she do this to me?
One thing is very clear about sex addiction; partners did not cause it, even if your loved one tries to convince you that you did.
If you have discovered that your partner has been acting in a sexually addictive way, it is vital that you take care of yourself and put yourself first. This may entail getting help yourself from a therapist to help you navigate through this traumatic time, or seeking out a group where other partners meet to help support each other. It is important to get as much information as possible, through therapy, others experiences and books as this will help you to decide whether you want to end the relationship or not.
If you think you would benefit from therapy, please give me a call for a confidential chat.
Regularly Asked Questions about Sex Therapy
What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a talking therapy, conducted by a trained therapist. I see people who are struggling with sexual and relationship problems that are either affecting a person’s self esteem, their sexual relationships or stopping them from getting into a relationship. Depending on the problem, the therapy may consist of exercises that I will ask you to do at home or it may be a deeper exploration of childhood and how that has affected you sexually, or a combination of both.
Do I have to have sex in front of someone?
Absolutely not. Psychosexual therapy is a talking therapy only, conducted by trained professionals. It is very similar to all other forms of counselling, the only difference is that the problem being addressed is sexual. Sex therapists are not sex workers, they are trained psychotherapists.
Will it be embarrassing?
We live in a culture that does not encourage people to talk about sex or sexual problems, although there are sexual references in every area of our daily life, including TV and other media. As a culture, we therefore tend to find talking about sex very uncomfortable and embarrassing. I am trained to talk about all aspects of sex and will to do this in a very gentle and caring manner, which really helps people to feel more able to talk about their sexual difficulties. Most people struggle with this when they first go to therapy but find that the embarrassment disappears very quickly.
Is it confidential?
All counselling session are completely confidential and this is something that therapists take very seriously. However, there may be circumstances where adhering to confidentially may not be possible, for example, if you state you are going to harm yourself or others. In most cases I will discuss that they may have to break your confidence if at all possible.
Is sex therapy effective?
Sex therapy is an effective treatment for sexual difficulties. However, it is only effective if you are willing to engage with the therapy.
Will I have to talk about or do something I don’t want to?
As I have described above, therapy may be difficult at first but pretty quickly people start to feel OK. However, there may be times when some of the homework exercises or discussions in the therapy room may move toward things you don’t feel you can address. I am very good at being able to spot when someone is struggling and will be able to help you to overcome this. Sometimes it is important to step slightly outside your comfort zone but you will be doing this with someone who has your best interest at heart and will support you through your personal journey.
If I have a sexual problem, why is it important to address it?
People with sexual problems can often feel depressed, lonely and isolated because of it. It can have a big impact on your relationship and sometimes relationships can end if a sexual problem persists but has been ignored. It may also be that the sexual difficulty is the result of some other underlying cause, such as heart problems or an emotional disturbance, such as anxiety or depression. It is important to not suffer in silence when you have a sexual problem, as most things can be addressed and it may be that you are experiencing another problem that can equally be rectified. As humans, we are all looking for connection and one of the most effective ways to feel connected to people we love is through sex. Sex is an important part of our adult lives and is great for our emotional and physical health. We all deserve a healthy sex life, so do something loving for yourself and make contact today for an informal chat to see how sex therapy could help you.
Who can attend sex therapy?
I will work with anyone over the age of 18. You can be single, in a relationship, polyamours, straight, bi or gay or trans. People of any religion or culture can attend for therapy and personal beliefs will always be taken into consideration. The most important thing is that you relationships and sex life can improve.
Get in touch to have a private confidential chat to see how we can help on
07731 555698
